TMI: Why Do Athletic Leggings Fit Me So Poorly?
I have been an adult for coming on eighteen years so I feel like my body has had plenty of time to settle in and be what it is. I’ve be fortunate to not have any surgeries, significant illnesses, or put my body through childbirth – unless my own nearly 36 years ago counts? It doesn’t.
All that to say I have no physical trauma that impact my physical body. Again, super lucky, Super fortunate. So, fashion friends, what is the ding dong deal with the crotch of women athletic leggings? I’ve been thinking, do sportswear designers really think an isosceles triangle with 1.5 x 1.5 x 1.0 inch dimensions does the trick with female outermost genitalia? Why are designers enforcing a geometric triangle shape solution to a curved body area in the first place? Don’t even get me started with the straight line seam from belly button all way under and back up to the tailbone style of legging. Men’s underwear “pouches” certainly do it better, design wise, so what’s up?
Then I started thinking, “Well, if these legging companies sell millions and millions of units, surely if it was a problem, they would have changed the design?” Then I start spinning, “So is it a me thing? Am I shit out of luck based upon my unique combination of legs, ass, crotch, and torso?” Now I’m entering full on spiral mode, “Is my unique body one in a million? Are my genitals one in a million? Should I call my doctor?” Again, likely not.
I try to tell myself what I tell my clients. Designers design for the masses, they simplify a “fit” that accommodates an average shape for that particular numbered size, and often times, one has to alter for a personal best fit. For example: I have to buy a size ten or medium blazer for my broad shoulders and very long arms. My torso clocks in at a size two. Basically, I’m a linebacker stick man. Thus, I need to buy the size for the biggest part of my body (shoulders and arm length) and tailor in the rest (take in the torso from bust to hip and take in the width of the arm). Fair enough. My tailor, Connie, is a miracle worker. But how does one insist for more fabric, just at my crotch?
Please know, if you like to rock a labia-forward, camel toe proud workout look, good for you. I love that body positivity. I love that we can all ride this life a little differently. Do you. However, I am for the first time saying that it’s not the look or more specifically, it’s not the feel or “ride” for me.
The past six months or so, I have become ruthless with ill-fitting sports leggings. If it rides or pulls or creeps the wrong way – and I wish the garment would show its fit flaws before I walked out of the store, credit card hot from the recent swipe – it’s gone from my life. Why do the seams ride up so much that I feel like I’m going to cough when I start my jog? Isn’t movement what these things are designed for in the first place? When I wear leggings, it’s to work out, not lounge, so not moving in them is not an option. I’ve ditched four pairs of leggings in the past couple months because they run up my body harder than I actually run on the pavement and I have had it.
Not wanting to give up on the total fashion category just yet, I’ve modified my purchases. I’ve dropped down a size, sized up a size, tried different brands, rises. Lululemon, horrible. Most of the Nike Run collection, horrible (and an even smaller triangle if you could imagine). Just wrong for me. You know that expression about the person looking for the asshole in the room over and over and just can’t find them? Yep, turns out the fit mismatch asshole is me.
I’ve considered that maybe I just need to shut up and a put up. And please know that I can put up with the feel of clothing that many others can’t:
Five-inch stiletto point toe heels for hours? Check.
50% or higher content wool from my chin all the way down to my toes? Check.
Bunny hug with hood up, sweats, and socks while I sleep under a duvet and quilt in the summer time? Check.
Pants, black leather boots, and long sleeve in 30-degree sun-soaked Calgary heat? Check.
100% cotton jeans painted on me they are so tight that bending over resembles the Wizard of Oz’s Tin Man? Check, check.
I can put up, but not with everything. Again, not wanting to throw in the towel on finding a fit that works for me, I’ve too, been purchasing exclusively the style with the proper gusset that runs from mid inner thigh to opposite inner thigh. Think a double long leg waxing strip - but in your pants - and no sticky glue. I guess the wide 18 inch or more slice does more to accommodate me than those teeny tiny Bermuda Triangles ever could.
Tell me, am I alone? Is this my unique pussy problem?
What brands should I watch for that have both a high rise and that fabulous gusset besides my new true love Under Armour?
