Halloween Costumes: My Yes, No, and Maybe Guide
Halloween is a wicked good time. Candy, role playing, and costumes. All things that I love and that can also get out of hand. But for one night, how much harm can really be done, right? You’d have to ask my dentist.
I think there are a few camps of folks when it comes to selecting costumes for the festivities. First, there’s the folks that seem at a loss – these are the same people that get shocked that Christmas, Mother’s Day, and their spouses birthday land on the same date every year as they furiously scramble for last minute gifts and preparation – second, folks that throw something, anything on, and finally, the superstars that have their costumes prepped and at the ready. Love them.
Knowing that the world does not need more opinions, I’m about to disregard that and insert mine. Below is my yes, no, and maybe guide to Halloween costumes for all ages.
Kids
Yes
For those under the age of 12 living in the prairies, I think you’re killing it as a parent or guardian if the child is dressed in almost anything, really, that you can get a snowsuit underneath. A chubby bunny: great. A plump pumpkin: lattes are not just for adults. Take a drink of this little cutie. A superhero with added padding: Hulk out little one. Stay warm out there and remember face painting is a safer choice than a face mask for crossing streets, recieving kisses from aunties, and such.
No
Here’s the thing parents, your child is not you; they are their own thing. Definitely a part of you - biologically or chosen – but they are a unique person. If you dress your child to match you, that’s your ego talking. And it’s not a good look. Please send your hate mail to sarah@ImNotAParentSoIShouldShutUp.com
Maybe
Having said the matching faux pas above, I do soften when matching with another small companion. Maybe siblings go as the same cute farm animal. Maybe the beloved family dog matches the little one. Or maybe you match up with another buddy. Here’s the parameter I think: for me, matching is okay if you’re within ten years of one another.
Teens
Yes
I love it when anyone DIY’s. I’m especially fond of teens showing up for themselves. You want to be a video game character made out of cardboard then painted in the garage and it took you all week? That’s awesome. Are you multitasking in your home economics class by sewing your own Darth Vader costume? I super down for that and your inevitable A-grade. Tell me you’ve glue gunned bead and crystals all over a dress so your sparkle more than an actual chandelier in a mirrored room? Fantastic. Send me pictures of your works of art, would you?
No
The opposite of the above awesomeness is being too cool and throwing a lazy half-assed costume on. I say either you play or you don’t. There’s no in between. I remember my brother in high school slapped on a “Hello” name label sticker and wrote GOD on it. He thought he was so smart. I though he was an ass. Smugness or pretension is not a good look for Halloween. How hard is it to throw on coveralls and an icky face mask and scare some people, am I right?
Maybe
Teens have enough rules. I say as long as it’s not a costume that’s a hate crime and private parts are kept private, go forth young one. This day is for you.
Adults
Yes
Why meet your hero’s when you could dress like them instead? Be it Kim and Kanye, Bert and Ernie, or even Bob Ross – shout out to the costume and writing team on HBO’s Euphoria for that one. I do love a nod to society. Who else indulges in swishing through the celebrity photo galleries to see what people cooked up with all those resources. For we earthlings down here, I say get silly, get esoteric, hey, get political now that the election is over. Have fun.
No
Apparently, in 2019 we still have to say the following out loud. Blackface is not a Halloween (or other event) costume. It’s straight up racism. If you’ve done it in that past, apologize, learn from it, and move forward. Don’t do it again. Don’t let others around you do it either. Call them out and tell them to change into a witch or something. I heard a few years ago that if the costume focal point is one painting their own face to be another ethnicity, don’t. Just don’t.
Maybe
While it’s perhaps a touch basic for my personal taste, getting all dolled up for a sexy take on an animal, profession, or even a Minion – I saw that one this weekend - takes effort. I appreciate effort. So if you want to squeeze, scrimp, and plump, do you, boo boo. I will admit I have a soft spot for gender bending sexy costumes. Especially from the fellow you’d never expect to get into drag but you’re glad they did? And now you can’t “unsee” his long svelte legs? Holy moly, Mike?!
What are your costume pet peeves? Maybe it’s fashion people like me telling you what to do?
