The expression “meet people where they are at” is ringing truer and truer the older I get. Wisdom with age or some other cosmic BS. Alas, it’s true. This time, I’m asking y’all to meet me where I’m at. After a few full weeks and I’m running on mental and physical fumes. Thus, today’s blog – aka: haute takes that exactly two people asked for – will be more blurps and blobs than finessed wordsmithing.

It be really funny if you all were like, “Reads the same to me.” Regardless I’m just going to word vomit out my thoughts stream-of-consciousness style. If you need visuals, you can follow along by looking at any fashion magazine’s recap or the night. There are 200+looks here…

Okay. A reminder that first and foremost, fashion is a buffet. You don’t have to like everything let alone eat everything or pay. And second, American fashion is inherently tacky. As is America. This year’s theme explores this notion at its most formal event: the Metropolitan Museum of Art Fashion Exhibit Annual Fundraising Gala where the 2022 theme was: Gilded Glamour.

A quick Google look illustrates what this means. Themed dress codes are often a quick refresher through history as this is a night fundraising for an America Museum and the fashion exhibit. As fashion friends would know, it’s not just a bunch of beautiful people getting dressed up so we the plebs, can judge then from the safety of our couches, no, give them your money, celebs. Artifacts and culture are on the line.

“The 2022 Met Gala will ask its attendees to embody the grandeur—and perhaps the dichotomy—of Gilded Age New York. The period, which stretched from 1870 to 1890 (Mark Twain is credited with coining the term in 1873), was one of unprecedented prosperity, cultural change, and industrialization, when both skyscrapers and fortunes seemingly arose overnight.” 

…For the upper echelon, fashion during that period was one of excess. Thanks to recent innovations of electric and steam-powered looms, fabric became faster and cheaper to produce. As a result, women’s dresses often featured a combination of many textiles, like satin, silk, velvet, and fringe, all adorned with over-the-top textures like lace, bows, frills, and ruffles. (The unofficial edict? The more going on, the better.)

So for me to be thrilled, I need to see, extra-ness in silhouettes and the media used for the garments. Keeping the, “Golden Glamour” theme top of mind, I’m talking glitz, pearls, rhinestones, beading, ruffles, corseting, boning, period accurate (or homage) structure, tail coats, and formal ass suiting.

To be clear, ya’ll must know that I tend to align my critiques with how the looks stack up against the theme. While one can look gorge, but like, how is that illustrative of 1870 to 1890 fashion in New York? Step it up. I should note that as a maximalist style expresser myself (aka: using your clothes as a tool of self-expression as a baseline and then make it yolo), I will give extra style points if one puts a spin on it (there are no points or actual prizes, I’m just a silly tease.)

While I do want on-theme feasts for my eyes, one does not have to be so literal you can smell one’s own shit on their nose – a new euphemism? For example, one doesn’t have to wear and American designer just because this period took place in New York. Got it? As mentioned same goes for just a pretty gown or suit. Yes it’s beautiful, but what’s your point of view? What are you using your platform to share with the millions of viewers? Same goes for the boring-to-me “naked” dresses. They are an instant meh for me. When it’s more about the body than the garment, it’s not really about the fashion anymore, is it?

Category: Bored yet Beautiful

• While the older Kardashian sisters all look divine – I actually mean it - Kourtney with the best concept in my opinion with her in-the-works garment, it’s all about the younger Jenner’s for me. Like could Kendal’s dress be any bigger? The stupid hat Kylie wore? I’m eating that up.

• For the fellas, why go in a plain suit when you have access to every designer – Bradley Cooper – especially so when Benjamin Platt rolls up in a corset, platforms, and pearls mimicking a time piece strand? If you’re not into a side of corset served with your suit, why not go no shirt style like Dwayne Wade. Now I know I said I’m not into naked dresses. Naked men still get me going. I know, I’m an objectifying hypocrite.

Category: Examples of My Style Sweet Spot

• Victor Glemaud in bone white white white.

• Lizzo with her mother tucking hair waves and mother tucking flute. (Thanks Ru Paul for the swear jar friendly substitute).

• Bad Bunny and those puff shoulders and hair accessories.

• Chloe Bailey with her asymmetrical gold sequin bulbed-near-deformed dress. I see you and your thoughtful selection.

• The bedazzle doggy toy and cape? Gunna for gold.

• Gemma Chan in that black beaded exaggerated peplum dream?

• Kid Cuddi in not quite cobalt cape and long white fluted sleeve under the matching blue suit? Yes, thank you very much.

• And, of course, SJP locks it down with that black creme white grey tonal desert with the tiny bow ties on sleeves. She just gets it done, no?

Category: Can’t Stop Thinking About

• Kodi Smit-McPhee’s jeans and red gloves were so special, it made the other jean wearing Lauren dude look like a dunce.

• What the actual F was Emily Ratajowski wearing? Real talk. The gal loves a low waist and she’s divine but this was too many ideas in one garment.

• Ashton Sauders denim and gold bell boy adjacent suit was curious. The fit left me wanting, though.

•  Though I’m not sure the on-theme-ness with her blue tulle, I am thrilled that Quannah Chasinghorse’s look is prompting me to look into it. That’s what the biggest night in fashion should do. Inspire the viewer to learn more.

• The same curious sentiment goes for Leslie Odom Jr. What and why is that jaunty hat?

Category: Fashion Designer that Kept Dressing Major Stars

• I haven’t done the actual count – can’t even as mentioned above – but I saw a tonne of Parabul Gurung (Michelle Yeow) and Thom Browne (Christie Baranski!).

In closing, people wear the theme; don’t wear the theme to varying degrees. Fighting about it is what makes fashion fun.

(Though, if you want my favourite literal theme winners: Billie Elish in that seafoam peach dream. Maude Apatow fit for the gods. Janelle Monae always delivers. And Jessica Chastain in ruby red with the weaving silver jewelry and head scarf.)